The First Time I Saw Myself: A Boudoir Awakening
Written by Catherine Josephine
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom
—Anaïs NinI didn't go into the shoot expecting to be transformed. I just wanted some beautiful photos.
But deep down... I didn't trust myself.
My skin was pale. I hadn't worked out. I lacked muscle tone.
I told myself it was "just in case" because if I didn't take the opportunity now, I might never get the chance again.
But what I didn't know then was...
This wasn't just about photos.
It was about seeing myself truly for the first time.
The morning of the shoot, I threw on a faded sweatshirt with the words Sun Goddess barely legible across the front, layered over a short knit dress.
It felt ironic at the time—Sun Goddess—when I barely felt like a spark of myself.
But still, some part of me was quietly hoping to shine.
When I walked into Patrick's studio, I brought all the parts of me I usually kept hidden:
- The girl who couldn't stop picking herself apart.
- The woman whose heart was still healing from a breakup.
- The soul that wanted to be seen but was terrified of rejection.
- The smile I'd dimmed so many times, not sure it was enough.
I didn't realize my eyes could look so seductive.
We never see our own eyes like that, not the way someone else can when they're really looking.
But Patrick saw me.
He saw the angles I couldn't.
He caught my smile mid-laugh, my gaze between poses, and the way light kissed my skin.
He didn't just photograph me.
He witnessed me.
With so much tenderness. So much respect.
He led me through the experience gently, like an artist coaxing out light from shadow.
And as I played the songs on my playlist that made me feel like my fun, flirty, show-off self, something opened.
I got lost in the music.
I started to move.
I started to smile.
I stopped thinking.
I surprised myself.
I could be a boudoir model when someone made me feel safe enough to believe in myself.
What he said as he walked me to my car afterward will always stay with me:
"It's so sad that you are so hard on yourself."
He didn't say it with pity. He said it with presence.
It mirrored the same sadness I had buried beneath the surface.
And in that moment, something came rushing back.
Words my ex had said to me before we broke up:
"It's so sad that you're kind to everyone else... but you're mean to your own heart."
Two men. Two moments.
Both seeing something I hadn't yet faced.
That the love I was so desperate to receive... I hadn't yet learned to give to myself.
And when he said it, I felt something break open inside me.
I thought I'd been hiding that part of me, the sadness, the self-doubt, but he saw right through the facade.
He saw the girl behind the practiced smile.
And somehow, it didn't make him turn away.
It made him care.
Driving home, his words echoed in my mind.
Maybe that was why dating had been so hard.
Because I didn't yet believe I was worthy of adoration.
Because somewhere deep inside, I thought love had to be earned, not simply received.
But now... I had photographic proof.
A mirror.
A reminder.
In the weeks and months that followed, I began to see the beauty that Patrick saw in me.
My natural smile.
My wild, expressive eyes.
The softness, the allure.
The essence of a young Brigitte Bardot we had envisioned together came alive in those photos.
Slowly... gently... I began to let that image of myself in.
And if I could go back and speak to the version of me who walked into that studio in her faded Sun Goddess sweatshirt...
I would hold her face in my hands and say:
You are beautiful.
You are enough.
You don't need to hide your smile to be loved.
You are worthy of being seen—fully, wildly, softly—just as you are.
And one day, the man who chooses you won't just see your beauty.
He'll treasure it.
He'll open that leather-bound album and know exactly how lucky he is.
Because in the end, this wasn't just a gift for my future partner.
It was a gift for me.
The first time I saw myself and believed it.
To Catherine Josephine, thank you for sharing your beautiful and vulnerable story. Your words remind us all how powerful it is to truly see ourselves and how life-changing it can be to honor our inner and outer beauty.
For anyone who would like to learn more about Catherine, she is not only an incredible storyteller and advocate for self-love but also a Trauma-Informed Certified Coach in Sex, Love, and Relationships. She’s a certified Vita Coach and the founder of The Love Priestess Method, where she helps women reconnect with their sensuality and reclaim their power.
You can find her at thelovepriestess.com, and be sure to connect with her on social media for more insights, encouragement, and inspiration.
Thank you, Catherine, for reminding us that the most important love story begins with ourselves. 💕
My goal as a boudoir photographer is to transcend mere imagery, and embody a powerful journey of self-empowerment and personal transformation. With over six years of experience working with women of all shapes, sizes, and ages, I've dedicated myself to celebrating individuality and silencing the inner critic through each personalized photo session. Join me in this empowering adventure!
- Patrick Michael